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A Tinge of Homesickness


Flowers from my dad, November 2016

I often find myself daydreaming about watching the leaves change colors, cuddling up with my dog, a good book, and some hot cocoa. Seeing all the social media posts in which people are enjoying the first snow of the season hit me a lot harder than I had expected it to, especially because I’m not usually one to be wishing for the cold, I much prefer a hot summer day. Yet here I am enjoying 80°F/30°C weather in Santiago and I am craving home. Nonetheless, I am alright with being homesick because I know that very soon I will be enjoying baking Christmas treats and going skiing with my family without the fear of Chile becoming a memory of the past. I am very lucky that I am able to come back next semester to continue my immersion and my research project.

But recently I have been guilty for giving myself excuses to have a brain break from using Spanish. It has been an internal dilemma in which on one side I think it is alright that I am calling friends from home to talk with them in English and watching a movie that is also in English because I will have more practice when I come back anyway, and on the other side I am disappointed that I am not trying harder to practice the language. Often times I am frustrated because I feel as though I can’t fully express myself, at least not to the extent I would be able to in Spanish. It’s difficult to respond to people profoundly, so I end up wishing for conversations in English. However, it is also frustrating that I still tend to carry out the same errors that I’ve been committing for years. For example, I often mix up the “el” and “la” and the noun agreements, and I mix up using the subjunctive and indicative verb tenses.

Regardless of my frustrations, I have undoubtedly improved. I can now write an essay in Spanish with minimal grammatical errors almost as fast as I can write an essay in English, which was definitely not the case five months ago. I am also far more comfortable making small talk with Chileans, whether chatting with my Uber driver or a neighbor in my apartment complex. I have also expanded the ways I can greet people, as well as say goodbye (which is very important for Chileans). I also ask people to repeat themselves less which is a strong sign that I have gotten much more accustomed to the Chilean dialect and slang. What I am most proud of is my improvement in conjugating verbs.This has constantly been the most difficult challenge for me, and now I find myself using irregular tenses without hesitation.

However, I am still hesitant to use many Spanish words and Chilean modismos. I don’t use the Chilean “vos” form often, which is the change in the conjugation of verbs in the “you/tu” form (for example here instead of saying “como estas” people say “como estay”. I also rarely use the term "huevón" (pronounced weón) which is probably the word spoken most in all of Chile and can be used in about a million different contexts (if you are curious what that means this website has a decent explanation along with many other commonly used phrases.

On the other hand, I have not been hesitant to pick up other terms, such as saying “bacán”, which most closely means “cool” and “carrette” which means party. My friends from GW and I will often use words such as “cuico/cuica” (rich, upper class, snobby) and “flaite” (trashy, poor, ratchet) when we are describing something Chilean to each other. We have also gotten accustomed to being commonly called “gringos.” In fact, my host brother nearly always greets me by referring to me as “la gringa.” I don’t mind, but I much prefer when Chileans refer to me as “la Claudia” or “la Clau” because I find it quite a bit more endearing. (Claudia is my middle name, and I go by it in Chile because Spanish speakers have a hard time pronouncing Kethelyn, they say something that sounds like Kaitlyn instead and that’s my friend’s name.)

On the topic of names and feeling homesick, today is my Name-Day, which is celebrated in some cultures, including Hungarian. Our calendars in Hungary have names listed under each day. Based on your name, one day a year you celebrate, or rather you are celebrated by friends and family. So every year on November 25th my family gets together and we have a little feast, and I usually receive small gifts such as flowers and chocolates. I talked to my parents back home and they sweetly wished me a happy day, and it remind me how excited I am to be with them for the holidays.

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